Part 1: Finding Meaning After a Sudden Death

“Why?” It’s the first question people ask after a sudden or traumatic death.

As we’ve seen recently with the shooting deaths of a Detroit police officer and 7-year old AIyana Jones, these losses instantaneously shatter our life as we know it.

They make no sense. We feel unsafe, out of control, and vulnerable. We are forced into a world forever changed.

Part 1: Sudden Loss vs. Expected Loss

Grieving a sudden or traumatic loss is often very different than grieving an expected death. There is no warning. There is no time to prepare, no time to say goodbye.

Traumatic or sudden loss can result in intense grief feelings including shock, anger, guilt, despair, hopelessness and depression. A sudden or traumatic death heightens our sense of vulnerability and anxiety. It shatters our sense of order. We feel out of control.

Along with the primary loss of the person, families and loved ones may experience multiple secondary losses as well: lost income, loss of home, loss of social status. Family roles and responsibilities can change, too.

Reaction to a sudden death may be further complicated if the death is due to a violent act. If a survivor was involved, memories of the accident can dominate the person’s mind. They may be overcome with feelings of numbness, unreality and fear. A bereaved survivor may even feel “survivor guilt,” and wonder why their loved one was killed and they survived.

If there is a trial, grief may be prolonged. Families and survivors may have to deal with the police, investigators and lawyers. If the death is a suicide, survivors may agonize with shame, anger and guilt and the threat of social stigma. In public or newsworthy events, survivors may also have to deal with intrusion by the media- the loss of privacy, or the replaying of the tragic event over and over, such as when a public figure gets shot.

Next in our series , we take a look at what you may be feeling as you grieve a traumatic or sudden loss, and how normal and common your reactions may be.

Megan Meade-Higgins is a Licensed Master of Social Work (LMSW) specializing in bereavement issues and grief management. Megan has worked over the last five years with many people coping with loss in their lives, particularly in the field of hospice care. She speaks around the Metro Detroit community and has appeared on Fox 2’s “The Doctor Is In” talking about coping with various types of life stress and loss. Megan is also available for private counseling.