Part 2: What You May Be Feeling

In the first part of our series on coping with sudden or traumatic death, we looked at how a sudden or traumatic loss is different than one that is expected.

In this installment, we take a look at what you may be feeling when trying to cope with a sudden or traumatic death.

What you may be feeling

There are many normal, common reactions to a traumatic or sudden loss. You may experience intense grief responses such as shock, anger, guilt, depression, despair and hopelessness. Feelings of anxiety, panic and fear are normal. You may find it very difficult to concentrate or make even simple decisions. You may “disassociate” and feel like you’re watching everything happen from “outside” your body.

Physically, you may be exhausted but not be able to sleep or eat, or you may eat too much. You may be hyperactive or feel like you can’t get moving at all. You may have headaches and nightmares. You may have a hard time getting along in your relationships. You may even want to isolate yourself from others.

Sometimes, people may be frightened that they or other loved ones may also die suddenly, or that another random act of violence may occur. Survivors can also experience what’s known as “survivor guilt,” wondering why their loved one was taken and they are still alive. Memories or imaginings of the accident or disaster may dominate the person’s thoughts. They may believe they should have done more to prevent the tragedy.

As people question “why?”, their spirituality may be challenged as well. Sudden losses in particular can set a survivor on a crisis of faith as he/she searches for meaning.

All of these feelings are normal and none of them are wrong. Don’t be surprised by the intensity of your feelings. You are not going crazy! One of the most important things to know is that ALL of these reactions will flux over time. You will feel many emotions in the space of one day, sometimes even all at once. It is ok. You are experiencing grief, and it is not an easy, linear process. It will come and go, wax and wane. Your intense grief means that you intensely love the person you lost.

Next time in our series we’ll take a look at how to help yourself cope.

Megan Meade-Higgins is a Licensed Master of Social Work (LMSW) specializing in bereavement issues and grief management. Megan has worked over the last five years with many people coping with loss in their lives, particularly in the field of hospice care. She speaks around the Metro Detroit community and has appeared on Fox 2’s “The Doctor Is In” talking about coping with various types of life stress and loss. Megan is also available for private counseling.