Part 3: How to Help Yourself

In the second part of our series on coping with sudden or traumatic death, we looked at how you may be feeling after the loss.

Part 3 focuses on how to help yourself through a sudden or traumatic loss in your life.

How to Help Yourself

The initial denial, shock and numbness following a sudden or traumatic death are actually a good thing. They work like an anesthetic to insulate you from feeling the entire force of your loss all at once.

Do not be surprised at the intensity of your feelings once the shock wears off. Remember that you are trying to cope with an incredibly stressful event that was out of your control. Give yourself time to heal. Work first on re-establishing your sense of control over your life.

Start with your day to day activities. Try to maintain a normal routine, eat well and get enough rest. Try to get some regular exercise. Drink alcohol in moderation; don’t use it to numb your pain. Remember other difficult times and how you coped with those. Draw on your inner strength. You’ve made it through many other stressful times before in your life.

Work on accepting your feelings, no matter what they are, instead of denying them. Talking about how you feel, writing in a journal, listening to music, talking to a friend, and exercising are all ways to get out your emotions. Shoving them down will only delay your grief process.

It may help you to become educated about the cause of the sudden or traumatic death. Imagining what happened can often be worse than the truth. Get involved in making choices about when you want to join activities again with others. Do not make any major life decisions at this time. Take each day as it comes and do what is best for your own healing process.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are struggling physically with anxiety or depression, talk to your doctor. Traumatic losses often require counseling and professional help to cope. Seek out support groups in your area when you are ready. Groups can often be one of the best tools for healing. Talking to people who can relate to your experience can be extremely helpful. Also, seek out agencies that provide services that can help you related to the type of loss you experienced.

In the final part of our series , we will look at how to help if you know someone who is suffering from the sudden or traumatic loss of a loved one.

Megan Meade-Higgins is a Licensed Master of Social Work (LMSW) specializing in bereavement issues and grief management. Megan has worked over the last five years with many people coping with loss in their lives, particularly in the field of hospice care. She speaks around the Metro Detroit community and has appeared on Fox 2's "The Doctor Is In" talking about coping with various types of life stress and loss. Megan is also available for private counseling.